AlexSchmidt(y) Blog

My website is ALEXSCHMIDTY.COM. I work at Cracked and contribute to WitStream. I made most everything here.
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cracked:

Four Cracked staffers saw Planet of the Apes: This One, and after a couple drinks they realized acting is no longer just an actor’s craft. It’s become a special effect.
WTF? Andy Serkis Skyped His Planet of the Apes Performance

#4. Actors Are Interchangeable Now (in Their Own Film)
For example: Judy Greer is technically in this movie. She’s an amazing voice actor, and at least a decent regular actor, so I was excited to see her in this movie, too. Only she wasn’t in this movie, not really — she doesn’t say or do anything. But I guess they mapped her face for one of the ape ladies, and that was enough to slap her name on some marketing. … No human actors carry over from the last Planet of the Apes movie. Weirdly enough, the summer’s other blockbuster, Transformers 4, also purged every actor from the previous films in the series. This used to be the clearest sign of a disastrous sequel. But today it’s cruise control for record profits.

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Co-makin’ stuff all over Cracked today. This one’s another me/Josh/Dave/Robert exploration of the latest Hollywood ‘achievement’.

cracked:

Four Cracked staffers saw Planet of the Apes: This One, and after a couple drinks they realized acting is no longer just an actor’s craft. It’s become a special effect.

WTF? Andy Serkis Skyped His Planet of the Apes Performance

#4. Actors Are Interchangeable Now (in Their Own Film)

For example: Judy Greer is technically in this movie. She’s an amazing voice actor, and at least a decent regular actor, so I was excited to see her in this movie, too. Only she wasn’t in this movie, not really — she doesn’t say or do anything. But I guess they mapped her face for one of the ape ladies, and that was enough to slap her name on some marketing. … No human actors carry over from the last Planet of the Apes movie. Weirdly enough, the summer’s other blockbuster, Transformers 4, also purged every actor from the previous films in the series. This used to be the clearest sign of a disastrous sequel. But today it’s cruise control for record profits.

Read More

Co-makin’ stuff all over Cracked today. This one’s another me/Josh/Dave/Robert exploration of the latest Hollywood ‘achievement’.

Do you think you'll run out of Alien Gifs eventually?

@georgeisasillygoose

brightblueinky:

cracked:

image

We got the first couple from aliensandpredators and then I’m making more. Whatever it takes to get you to ACCEPT OUR EGGS

This is the best reaction I’ve ever seen to site problems.

Happy anniversary of the time Cracked got hit with particularly stubborn malware and I had the very best time having fun with it.

unpops:

So if that’s a supervolcano…

…why are we all super chill about the one sitting under Yellowstone right now?

THIS WEEK ON THE PODCAST: Do you have what it takes to survive a mega earthquake? Will the zombies just kind of wear themselves out? What good is hiding in a basement during a nuclear blast if the radiation will just kill all of us a week later anyway? Host Adam Tod Brown welcomes Brett Rader and Cracked editor Alex Schmidt to discuss all of this and more!

Apocalyptic Scenarios You’d Probably Survive

Neglected to mention on this that I can survive any goddamn tomato shortage scenario you can throw at me (they are gross).

This band cropped up on this week’s Cracked Podcast and if music = food they’re on the correct side of indie’s sweet/salty spectrum.

theygetit:

This guy gets it.

If I have a favorite fashion blog it’s this one.

theygetit:

This guy gets it.

If I have a favorite fashion blog it’s this one.

That wasn’t literally in the text of the episode but I thought the sentiment was there.

That wasn’t literally in the text of the episode but I thought the sentiment was there.

lifeinhellarchives:

"No One Likes Me" - January 17, 2003

Life In Hell reformatted how my brain makes people talk to each other.
Because the comic’s either Jeff & Akbar talking, or it’s various rabbits talking. Couldn’t be simpler, right?
Well those Jeff & Akbar talks are Jeff & Akbar talks because they’re about ways we’re human. Because everyone says them to everyone else, on some level. And then those rabbit talks are rabbit talks because they’re about ways specific people relate to otherly specific people. Because some truths are situational. And every situation either fits you or fits somebody you love. Couldn’t be more complicated, right?
It is complicated. But it’s complicated in the simplest way. It’s like a Magritte, where there’s so much there in that rectangle, but all its parts hit your eye in under a second.

lifeinhellarchives:

"No One Likes Me" - January 17, 2003

Life In Hell reformatted how my brain makes people talk to each other.

Because the comic’s either Jeff & Akbar talking, or it’s various rabbits talking. Couldn’t be simpler, right?

Well those Jeff & Akbar talks are Jeff & Akbar talks because they’re about ways we’re human. Because everyone says them to everyone else, on some level. And then those rabbit talks are rabbit talks because they’re about ways specific people relate to otherly specific people. Because some truths are situational. And every situation either fits you or fits somebody you love. Couldn’t be more complicated, right?

It is complicated. But it’s complicated in the simplest way. It’s like a Magritte, where there’s so much there in that rectangle, but all its parts hit your eye in under a second.

Maybe they should wait to give Boba Fett a whole Star Wars movie till he finishes his first tweet. (h/t)

So I spend my childhood, at least the chunk of it that contained Jon Stewart’s Daily Show, watching that nightly. And coming in to grade school and then middle school visibly beat from staying up too late watching TV, if you can dismiss that show! as TV. 

And so then Colbert pushes bedtime another half hour. And meanwhile the Internet makes it easier to watch all of it whenever. And then, the above show comes along. And it feels like the made-to-order extension of my political comedy-viewing life. Like I turned [age redacted] and the universe chucked it onto HBO for me as a freebie.

And so I figure who cares how many bad shows and movies and live comedy shows (christ, so many bad live comedy shows) I’ve sat through. Because for some reason, a golden age of satire dovetailed with the absolute pickle I found myself in of having to be alive.

(link to an excellent comedy segment I made all about me)